I just want to bend over

So the other day Bryan and I were getting our Christmas pics taken and I had to change my shoes in the car. You would think I was trying to curl myself into a pretzel considering how difficult this was for me, and this got my thinking about some of the things I miss being able to do

1)Sleeping on my tummy. I had a perfect sleep pattern down, I rotated through 3 positions everynight and then settled in on my tummy, kind of like a dog who circles 3 times before laying down to sleep. Well at this point my own comfort at night is overshadowed by the desire to not kill my baby

2)bending over...for any reason at all. Putting on pants, socks, shoes is something that I have to really think about, is it worth having warm feet right now just to bend over and put those socks on. If I drop something on the floor there is a moral dilema going on in my head on whether it's worth it or not. The other day I lost my cell phone and ended up going home that night not knowing what happened; that's when I remembered that it had fallen on the ground and my brain decided that leaving it on the floor was the better choice, hey if someone called I would hear it and depending on who it was I would bend over. Now a days Bryan holds out my pants while I step it, i'm officially pathetic.

3)Breathing. I can't work out and I definately can't go up more then one flight of stairs. I work on the second floor of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and every Wed we have a devotional on the Mezzanine level, 2 flights of stairs down. Well at the end of the meeting everyone heads for the stairs, except for me, I have to take the elevator or risk passing out in front of the elderly missionary couples who practically ran up the stairs.

4)Having a waist. I miss belts and jeans without tummy stretchers in them. We went shopping on black friday and I saw all these cute dresses with belted waists and I almost broke down, unless that waist can be adjusted for about 8 inches above my actual waist that ain't happening.

5)Running into things without worrying. I watch football and cringe because I see everyone smacking into each other and being so carelss with their tummies, I watch someone jump onto a bed or couch face first and I want to cry because my first thought is "oh no their baby". On our way out of the hospital after I give birth i'm going to run into a wall on purpose just because I can.

6)Control over my bladder. I'm really sick and tired of having little accidents when I sneeze. Honestly, the other day we were shopping in Wal Mart, I sneezed, got this look on my face and quietly said "crap", I thought Bryan was going to die laughing.

You know, I make this all sound so horrible when really it's not. Here is a list of things I will miss when i'm no longer pregnant.

1)Feeling him move around. I complain but honestly it's amazing. He goes nuts when he hears Bryan's voice, he calms right down when I sing him his lullaby. He gets aggitated and squirms when i'm overly excited (the UofU BYU football game was bad, I think he was trying to escape so he could help us cheer). I love sitting in the bathtub and watching my tummy do a little dance cause he likes the sound of water. I know that I will miss that more than anything else.

2)Having Bryan's hand constantly on my stomach. From the day Bryan found out I was pregnant his hand has been super glued to the baby bump. First thing in the morning he rolls over and wraps his arm around me and places it on the baby, he watches TV with one hand on me, whenever someone asks how we're doing his hand shoots to my stomach and he says "we're all doing fine". He is so proud and so adorable and I will miss his constant attention to my mid section.

3)Talking to myself. I constantly find myself talking to my the baby. I don't even have to be alone, i'm narrating things to him.

4)Knowing where he is 24/7. Someday this little guy is going to grow up, drive a car, go on a mission, get married, heck even just go to Kindergarten and I won't be with him all the time. Right now I know where he is, I know when he's sleeping or awake, I know what he's eating and how he's feeling. I will miss that constant companionship I have with him.

5) *corny alert* I will miss his spirit. Does that sound weird, yes, but it's like I can feel him with me all the time. I'm growing a person, a child with a spirit who will one day grow up and do great things. I can feel his potential and his excitement and weirdly enough his love. The way he moves when Bryan talks I can tell how much he loves us both even though he can't actually tell me. I will miss that soo much.

6) the first moments of new life. Let's be honest, pregnany is hard, painful and sometimes very very gross; but I know it will all be worth it the first time I hear him cry. I know I will miss that moment and that feeling of "it's all worth it" when he's crying later on in life, when he throws a tantrum in the grocery store or wants to date the girl with the giant tatoo, nose piercing and pants so tight I can tell if she gets a bikini wax or not.

I want to cherish all that now while I still can. Half of me wants the next 12 weeks to fly by so I can meet him and so I can have my bladder back, the other half wishes I could stay pregnant forever. So though I may sometimes complain and make it sound like the worst thing in the world, know this-the blessings, the moments and the joy far outway any pain or discomfort you feel.

By the way if you have made it to the end of this ginormous post, congrats and give yourself a pat on the back.